sc // ca
There’s this violent sort of tugging on my heart and I don’t think I can make it stop,
it’s like the beating of a drum against a shadow,
the pounding of a hammer against cold steel in morning light,
it’s beating, beating, beating in my head and it’s saying
“Don’t be idle, don’t be too still. Don’t let the water you’re trudging reflect the sky.”
I tell you I’ll wait, and I tell you that’s true. I’ll wait, and I’m waiting,
at the end of the day it comes back to you,
But darling I won’t be idle, and I won’t make idols out of time,
I’ll unsheathe my sword and charge into the night,
I expect to be bloodied and broken and torn, but I’ll wait.
When in the shattered moments of light when I’m holding myself,
and can taste the night on my tongue like liquor that burns from my head to the ground
while I wish I could swear and be quiet and soft,
I’ll still hold my broken body together, though I may spill blood and tears,
but expect no yellow ribbon, or cheery hellos that sound like goodbyes.
Cross my heart, believe this prayer, I’ll slow for the thoughts you carry,
I have to establish a rhythm for my life even if it kills me,
at the end I hope our rhythms meld together forming melody,
rising a symphony in the beatings of our hearts,
it doesn’t make sense, but art rarely does, so what of our mortal bodies?
I guess I wonder how to make a promise that I intend to keep,
that doesn’t make my heart seem weak,
or tie me to a raindrop above a vast and filling ocean,
but I’ve never felt more certain, never has something felt more true,
than me searching for my rhythm, and hoping that it matches you.
And so, dear soul, both the one that’s inside me and the one so far from home,
I’m choosing to follow the truth that I believe,
Never thought that people could stand next to truth and look the same,
and I promise I won’t be idle but I won’t stray too far from where you are,
I could hold the whole world, but I’d still choose you.
If you find me, when you do, in some place I can’t call home,
please don’t worry, please don’t fret,
I’m still waiting, still choosing you; life is every color all at once,
and I don’t know how the day will see me, how I’ll see the day,
just be true, I’ll come back to you, the way you come back to me.